IMG_0431Life is so contradictory at times… It’s confusing.

One moment told that if we want something we have to go for it and get it.  It’s not going to come to us.

Then the next moment.  Live in the moment.  You are ok at the moment.  Enjoy this moment because you don’t know what is around the corner.

So we can be searching for what it is we’re after. Whether it’s our career goals, our families, our fitness, our weight. We go chasing, we get our heads right down to go for it.  We go for it to the point of trying too hard.

We are told to not be a defeatist.  Winners don’t quit.  We fall we must get right back up and go for what it is we’re after.  We should not show weakness.  We must be bold, show strength. Change our thinking. We try even harder.  We haven’t got to where we’ve got by not putting in the effort.

We fall again.  We get right back up.

Before we know it, in all of our efforts those moments are passing by.  We’ve been walking along the pavement looking down, looking at our shoes, permanently looking at our feet.  We are drained.  We don’t feel like we’re getting anywhere, even though if you’re anything like me, you’re getting somewhere just not quite where you want to be – you spend your life being too hard on yourself.  This isn’t how it was all meant to be. Surely I should have more than this for my efforts.  Try hard and you reap the rewards we are told.  But as we grow older we begin to understand that actually there is so much that we can’t control.  We can not  and obviously should not control people, we can not control what people have done to us in the past, we can not always control environments and we at times can not control our circumstances – life happens.  We can seek to improve them but certainly not control them.  Even capable people fall due to what cards they are dealt and obviously everybody makes bad choices, it’s part of learning. It really isn’t that simple.  But we tell ourselves not to be negative.  There are people who have worse than us.  Be grateful.

We understand that.  We understand that what we can’t control we have to turn it all around and make an effort to what we can control.  We need to accept where we’re at and pick ourselves up.  Especially if we want more.  We are told that if we want more we have to go and get it.  It’s not going to come to us. So we try and we try very hard.

Sometimes those tryings can make you unpopular.  Contrary to belief – everybody doesn’t always love a trier.  Particularly if you’ve fallen and people have seen you at your very worst. You’ve got that label from the fall and a label especially if it is negative is  a terrible thing to try and shift. Once you’ve got that label people know where they stand with you especially if your label is rock bottom, it clearly means they’re above you.  The thought you may get up and surpass them is often very troublesome it means that they might have been wrong.  I believe that this is a very British trait.  We support people while they’re the underdogs but the moment the underdog turns it around – oh do we dislike them.

Live in the moment or keep chasing?  I guess really it’s balance  and what you want at the time.  Sometimes we want to chase, we chase we conquer we kick back and live in the moment.  We understand at times that living in the moment is all well and good but it’s not going to bring us what we’re looking for – obviously unless you get that element of luck. But to keep chasing does get draining, we have to keep having time off to lift your head up again.  Lift your head up and look what is around you that doesn’t take much chasing.

A simple walk in the outdoors – noticing the world still goes on and it’s not all just going on in your head, it’s not all about the daily grind of work, house and pressure…  Time out for a slight task in the garden, time playing with childen/teens, enjoying a movie, reading a book – without guilt, the amount of times I’ve told somebody what book I’m reading.  Shock, horror – you’re a mum who reads a book? “I don’t have time to do that.” or I had a brilliant one this week “Oh you’re a mummy blogger, they’re just privileged mums who don’t need a job.”   Often it’s mother’s with small children or in my case the full time working mother having a dig at the part-timer and you have to remind them that you’ve already been there and done that.  You’ve reached the point of sitting down with a book, you bloody well deserve time to read this book but you’re also far too polite and respectful to tell them to F off, besides which sometimes you have to let people have their moment of martyrdom glory, let them be happy with status – quite frankly at this moment you’re choosing a book.  People seem to forget that life isn’t for competing, it’s a journey and just because we don’t have now doesn’t mean that we never will.  Just because somebody has now doesn’t mean they always will.  The bigger picture. Keep up that time with partner, making that phone call to your relations… Doing something other than chasing.  Time out from moving forward while continuing to move forward.

Didn’t I tell you that life was so contradictory???

ps besides the book I’m reading has been sent to me direct from the publishers to review and I’m on a tight deadline.