FullSizeRender (4)The answer is the child…

As a single mother who has spoken to a lot of ladies in the same situation.  It seems that money is the biggest argument.   It seems that the agreement amongst many is because many men feel a sense of entitlement (not all).  If they are not seeing their child then they don’t see a need to pay money.  If they don’t live with the child they don’t see the need to pay money.  Jeremy Kyle has a field day with them on his show and I’m sure most normal people with morals watch aghast.

Children need the basics…

Each month a child needs to be kept warm, needs to be fed, clothed and kept safe in an adequate house.

Children need extra’s

Children need to have a life and to be entertained.

For many women or indeed men who choose to go it alone.  They end up doing this on their own and one parent shirks out.

I’ve spoken to many single parents whose ex-partner feels bitter and therefore do not pay properly towards the upkeep of their child.  I’ve spoken to ladies whose ex-partners have gone out and bought boats but not bought their child a pair of shoes. I’ve spoken to ladies whose ex-partners have gone out and enjoyed several holidays abroad yet neglected their children.  I’ve spoken to ladies and men whose ex-partners have given up jobs just to not pay properly towards their children.  I’ve spoken to ladies who have ex-partners who are Directors of businesses who claim to earn a lowly wage but take extra money out as dividends to fund THEIR lifestyle at no benefit to the child. I’ve known ladies whose ex partners have gone on to produce more children when they don’t provide for the ones that they have.  What goes on in the world of paying for children is completely shocking and most people with ex-partners who have children together have a story to say.  And most people will say.  They are doing what they do to hold me back when in actual fact the only person they are holding back is their child.  Personally I feel lucky to have a man who has a child and who never shirks out of paying properly for his little girl.  I am proud of him because he is a real man who can swallow any ounce of pride and pay for the most important person in his life.  I could not settle for a man who doesn’t.  I always think if they can do that to another person then they can do it to you.  Why would you trust that man in the first place?

I would love to hear from more ladies or indeed men who have found themselves in this situation. How you handled it? Whether you got the outcome that you required for your children? Or whether you just thought like many…

“I am not putting up with this sort of insult. The insult towards the children.  Keep your money for yourself and I shall look after my children myself.  We shall see who gets the better nursing home.”

At the end of the day in these situations it is the children who suffer. And children are clever.  They learn who the parent is that has their best interest and which one is shirking out.  They also know when one parent is doing their best to make their childhood the best that they can.  They know when a parent isn’t. They know when a parent is failing them.  They also see which parent is suffering.

Somebody once said to me: “But it’s mother’s who should go without.” The same person lived in a small town.  I think, thank god I’ve witnessed different and totally hope for better for my daughter.  It should always be remembered that a child has two parents and not one. One thing is for sure, if my son’s ever behaved in such a way towards their children. I would be completely disgusted, dismayed and not make excuses for them.  Making those excuses is possibly what made them turn out that way in the first place.

It’s 2015 and women are still struggling at the expense of men. Indeed I am sure there are single parent fathers who are struggling just the same.  I feel passionate that it can’t continue.

I would love to hear from you with your experiences. I don’t mean to sound sexist.  Most people I speak to are ladies.  I would be interested in speaking to males too who might be in similar situations.  I’m currently working on a book with regards to single parenting and I would appreciate any sort of research or advice.

Thank you.

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