This is the day I’ve been dreaming about for many years and it will be recorded and put onto You Tube. As outlined in a previous blog I have encountered many dramas to achieving my honours degree. I left home very young into the arms of a man who was anti-education. He didn’t see the point. I always had a different viewpoint. I always enjoyed school and wanted to take my education as far as I could take it. However, my path wasn’t straight forward. After the birth of my second son I decided that I would take the plunge and do what I wanted to do anyway whether I was supported or not. I achieved certificates on the way to gaining my Honours Degree in English Literature. A certificate in Humanities and a diploma in Creative Writing. Each time I completed a course or certificate I felt motivated to move onto the next one. The inner motivation was always there but I faced numerous obstacles on my way and there were indeed times when I wanted to give up. Birth of a third child was a challenging time, lack of support in my environment caused severe anxiety and severe depression. I faced abnormal smear test results and had to have a minor operation, then I fell poorly with a serious immune disorder that took a couple of years to get under control – all of that was with three very young children and no support raising them. My drive was still there and I became more anxious, I felt like I was living in the early nineteenth century when women had no choice but to raise children. We moved house several times to bigger and better, fell into a massive debt trap that spiralled out of control, I ended up in a bitter divorce, lost everything, had to go back into the work place, needed more money so changed jobs again into what I deemed an unsupportive workforce – but I did have supportive Managers, moved into a house with a horrendous landlord and the house became a health and safety hazard, experienced a dysfunctional abusive relationship (if you could call it that) that lasted longer than it should, experienced bullying because of ex dysfunctional boyfriend (if you could call him that) for my situation and ended up with more anxiety, experienced unfairness and injustice as my ex – husband carried on living the high life, his life unscathed as he dropped me further into financial trouble, was blackmailed and bullied by himself and his new wife, I wasn’t strong as I became poorly again due to black mould in the house – mould is not good for immune disorders, experienced an alone miscarriage and at the end of my tether I moved house again. It was ground zero again. Through it all. I wanted to complete my studies. There were times when I nearly gave up and had to put the studying on hold. Starting again with three dependent children was a difficult time but I found support in a work colleague for whom I’m grateful. She held my hand and nurtured me back to standing. She egged me on to the finishing line of getting my living and financial arrangements in order. I’d completed the basic degree and I only needed to do one more course to reach my goal of an honours degree. Once again she held my hand and so did a wonderful man whom I met (My lovely boyfriend) and nurtured me through it as I also had to undergo new immune treatment. Which has worked and I’m feeling healthy once again. I’m at a point where I feel like it’s all coming together. I’ve climbed that difficult mountain to reach the top and I can see over the other side. I’m grateful.
Therefore the 30th May is going to be a big day for me. I feel like I’ve learned many lessons on my journey and had to give up a lot to achieve it – even basic things such as keeping up with modern-day technology, films etc… I was too busy battling to achieve my end goal. Lessons about loss, about love, about friendship, happiness, sadness and about the importance of life. I’ve experienced horrendous grief for so many losses which tumbled out one after the other and I’ve also had to face my demons. By experiencing so many losses I feel as though I’ve learned what is important to me and my graduation day is one of those important events – I can truly appreciate my gain.
I’ve certainly thrown myself in with the arrangements. My photographs on the day are booked and so is my gown, the train times have been worked out. I’ve bought my teenage sons new suits and ties which I will blog about when they arrive. My daughter a new pretty dress. Myself a smart dress and shoes. The itinerary has been printed.
All I have to do now is get my hair gleaming and some new nails and we’re fit to go. It is certainly like planning a Wedding! Transport, Cathedral, outfits, beauty, meal but I don’t need flowers as I’ll have a certificate. And one thing is for certain, nobody can take my achievement away.